I have not kept up with my blog like I have wanted. I feel that if I can show with pictures and some simple words what we do week to week I would be more inclined to share my life. What do you think? Are you interested in seeing the day to day of people's lives? We do lots in our community, homeschool, some travel, and some shopping! So what say you? Do you want to see more?
Over ten years of pure joy and 6 pack building laughter. Over ten years of sleepless nights, tear stained cheeks and mending a ripped and torn heart. Sound like marriage? Sounds like my marriage. For many of my youthful years I would look to others to make me happy. If something was done or said that was hurtful I would be devastated. Well, that may be a bit dramatic, but my happiness would be affected on some level.
Once I entered the eternal round of mawridge I looked to my spouse to make me happy. And what is up with being so touchy and sensitive with your spouse? Maybe it's just me, but one tiny comment made by him will send me into a whirling tornado of emotional derangement. That same tiny comment made by someone else will leave me indifferent.
Lately, while I read the scriptures I have been noticing a theme. I love how the scriptures come alive and you read what it is that the Lord wants you to see. My theme lately is "put God first". Take your eyes off worldly things and put them on God. Whatever you focus on in your mind is where you are laying your treasure.
As much as he wants me to be a helpmeet for my husband, he wants me to look to Him first. FIRST. Happiness will never come from my husband. Sure he can bring me happiness. We can have mind-blowing emotional, spiritual, physical experiences together. We can have amazing times as a family with our children and have a life filled with joy, but real happiness starts with God. We all have experienced the fleeting pleasures and good times of living in this world. I have met plenty of happy people who do not know God and I wonder what would it be like for them if they did?
Life is messy and complicated, but God is simple. If we seek Him out first we can have an everlasting happiness. This is a goal of mine this year and I have to say I am not starting off too well, but the first step is acknowledgement. So, may you raise your eyes toward heaven at all times and allow our Father in Heaven to bring you everlasting happiness :)
If I weren't a Mormon...
I would drink wine at night.
I would have my 10 piercings back in and probably more.
I would have more tattoos.
I would dress like this:
and like this:
I would swear like a sailor.
I would go out on Sundays.
I would watch rated R movies.
I may even have dreads. (Yup, I said it.)
I would read 50 Shades of Grey.
I would probably be divorced.
I would do many more things that I am not comfortable sharing. So, doesn't doing whatever you want bring happiness? Satisfying every appetite. I have been there and done that. Although at times I feel like I want to do something that is not conducive to my covenants, I remember how I felt before becoming a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I was "free", but not happy. That lie of "freedom" were actually chains of hell holding me down. (Don't mean to be melodramatic, but that's how I remember it.) I have changed my life to live for Heavenly Father and to do His will.
Now, that I am a Mormon:
I understand my Divine Nature as a child of God
I have taken back my power as a woman
If I keep my side of the bargain I can live with Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and hopefully my family after this earthly life.
I respect my body and see it as a temple.
I have greater compassion for others.
I have a day of rest to remember my Savior.
I fill my mind and senses with uplifting messages.
I work hard on a marriage that brings many blessings.
I have many children that I am brining up in the Lord.
The last sentence doesn't do that blessing any justice ;) Now that I am a Mormon I understand where we came from, why we are here and where we are going. I came to know this for myself as I was taught. This change has changed my life. It is scary for me to think where I might be if I did not join.
I will take all my post-baptism blessings (and they are) over my pre-baptism worldly, selfish life any day!
``````` I am not saying if you are not a member of this Church that you do not do, understand nor have these blessings. This is specific to my life. I believe we all have a right worship our God how and where we may as long as no one is being hurt. And if you choose not to believe, so be it. But please don't call me names because my faith is different- you are reading a Mormon blog!
My mind may explode with all that has been going on. We have started and are in a full mess of homeschool work and field trips and park days and daddy/daughter dances and outings with friends. To add on top of that I am in school 2 nights a week. It's not a show up to class, turn in work and get an easy A kind of a class. No, it's more of a show up to class, have your brain turned up high, do all the extra credit, study every night until 11pm and maybe you will pass kind of a class. However, as of right now I have a 100. I'm bragging just a little, please forgive me. It is well earned. I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed and then I add this blog to the dark recesses of my mind that light up every now and again and then my books that oh so badly want to be written are lurking in there too. AND then add on that we would like to add a wee little one to our sweet family soon- whoa!!
I was laying in bed the other night and it hit me like a punch in the face that I don't have much time here. There is so much I want to do and I do not want to look back after I leave this world behind and wonder what the heck I did with my short time. I want to fill it full with service, creativity, and love surrounded by my loved ones. Learning patience, unconditional love and forgiveness from one another. That is one of the reasons Heavenly Father put us in families, is it not? What better way to learn and grow than within your own family?
Speaking of families... my hubby and I had a much needed vaca in the Keys.... alone. Like my every day life, it was filled. We had a little down time where we sat by the pool but my lovely ADHD doesn't allow me to sit still for long. We arrived home yesterday and because of fascinating technology we were able to listen to our church's General Conference on the drive home. To watch you can go HERE.
Today I am right where I belong. Enjoying my lovely home with my lovely family and watching the lovely conference. With all the turmoil, violence, illness and confusion in the world today I feel so uplifted listening to these wonderful leaders and of course our Prophet, President Monson, whom I deeply love.
Wow! I made a bold decision. One that I have been teeter tottering with for a while and have actually done before. We will be plunging in and begin official homeschooling. (I emailed my letter of intent of homeschooling to the county, so yeah it's pretty official.) Add that to my writing, blogging, Primary 2nd counselor calling and college student status. You can officially call me squirrel nuts. Nah, I'm excited. This summer has been going so great with the kids at home and with the "homeschool" work we have been doing thus far. I will have to kick it in high gear and add a lot more curriculum but I am looking forward to it. More travel, field trips, learning and growing together- what doesn't sound awesome about that?! Well, thought I'd share and let my little blogosphere know what my personal life is up to!
Sometimes when I think of Satan I think of some spirit in some far off land. I think of something not in my life physically. Something that, perhaps, is not in my reality. Then something happens and I am reminded that he most certainly is real and actively in my life.
When times start going well, is when I have learned to worry. Especially when my relationship with my husband is going super well, I am waiting for it. The last thing Satan wants is for us is to be happy, to uphold our covenants and make it to the celestial kingdom. When he sees that we are doing well he is going to tempt us and try to break us apart. It could be a look, a word, a tone, a memory, a disappointment. Anything. No matter how big or little the issue he can try to use against you. He will use whatever he knows about you and use that against you. If it is addiction, depression, anger. He knows you.
A few weeks ago I was hit really hard. I knew it was Satan immediately which helped me tremendously. He was trying to sift me like wheat. I never truly understood the emotional aspect of the scripture when Jesus was talking to Peter about how Satan wanted to sift him like wheat. I understood that the wheat berry is separated from the stalk and chaff. It literally tears the wheat apart. It is a violent process. I now understand the emotional part. I was literally being torn apart and it was an internal, violent process. I knew I was being tested to see if I'd say "screw it, I'm doing what I want and I am no longer living the Gospel" or if I would stay faithful.
I have never been through anything like that before. It made Satan a reality. It made all the times I had heard people say that "we are at war" a reality. We truly are at war. Constantly. Every Day. The armor of God is real to me now. It is a primary concept, I know, but I have a testimony of it. As we go through our struggles that is where our testimonies and our faith is strengthened. As we come out of the darkness and see the light, we know we have chosen the right side.
As we go throughout our days putting on our armor of God let us not forget Joshua 1:9 "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."